Today, I am telling you a story of the moment in which after 4 years search for "enlightenment" i realized i was looking for something that i have always had. The experience as it is. That day i was moving flats and after a four years period when i was spontaneously moved into some yoga positions, raped by energies, pushed into rages and having the experiences of dissolution into the world and colors + paranoia, pain, severe depression and some other stuff that included work and so called life i was in a state of complete desperation. On that day i was in an elevator, going up and i was counting the floors and i was at such stage of paranoia already that i was telling myself constantly, now in a few seconds i will have enlightenment :) And i kept repeating it, expecting that when the elevator reaches this and that floor i will have it :) It was reaching there and nothing was happening, so i was moving in thoughts to the next floor waiting for the enlightenment to happen at that next floor. :) Chasing and chasing and chasing and then suddenly as it was not coming i said to myself :) Hey fuck it, there is no such thing as enlightenment and right there, as a first drop of rain falls on your head i realized i am perfect and i always was. That is all. I love You.